( clementine breathes out slow. one, two, three. she counts the numbers out before she picks it up and responds. she's known people to lose it- people who hurt in the heat of the moment.
people who kill like that. tim doesn't really strike her as the sort. he's not like kenny.
hell, he's not like clementine.)
you think you'll hurt someone when you don't want to?
[He'll hurt someone - he'll hurt someone else, he'll end up hurting the only person he knows who deserves it, but - that's not the part that concerns him. The first person in the crossfire is usually himself.]
[It always is.]
i guess i have a history of "violent episodes"
[That's putting it lightly.]
[And it's morbidly easier to comment upon that instead of the little black 14 on his self-harm risk assessment.]
( As a rule, Clementine never really trusts anyone. There's no one she trusts fully, completely, wholly even if there are people she trusts more than others.
It's just something else to completely lose everything else into believing someone would- someone would have her back no matter what. No matter anything else in play. She can't expect that of anyone so she can't fully, wholly trust anyone else.
She still somehow doesn't expect what he writes. )
like you've hurt people before?
i mean, i've hurt people before.
you just don't really seem like the type. i guess.
[In general, it's probably best not to trust someone like him. When he's not openly unreliable, and self-admittedly untrustworthy, he's flaky. When he's not forking the blame onto everyone else, he's generating more problems and being even more of a burden than usual.]
[When he's not setting people back, he's outright hurting them.]
issues that make my medical file look more like a textbook.
[He...really does not want to get more specific than that. But maybe he owes it to her to. He owes it to her to be fucking honest for once in his life, after she risked everything for him and Jay.]
so they're medical issues? like being sick or injured or something? cause that does sound like a lot.
( She was eight when the apocalypse happened. There's a lot she just never was aware of. She's smart, but there's so much she doesn't know because she never learned it. )
That must be rough and hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm kinda fucked up, but I don't know if I really am or not. Just how it feels. So they just have a big textbook of info about your brain? Does it help to have a textbook about it or does it make it harder?
both i guess. there's ways to deal with it sometimes wonderland likes to get in the way.
[So it's better, far better, to play it safe and just not arm himself at all. Not risk anyone getting hurt - any more hurt than they would already, just by being here - by his hand.]
i'm glad that you have a way to help deal with it. and if you're worried about hurting people and not being able to help it, i can understand why you wouldn't arm yourself, but you're better than most. most people would arm themselves anyway to keep themselves safe. screw the rest of the world.
[...she says to the man who drove a car into a house and nearly killed everyone in the vicinity. Nearly killed a kid because of his own goddamn stupidity.]
i guess i'll have to decide if it's worth it. but thanks
( clementine is definitely not including that driving-into-a-house thing as part of the 'better than most' part. he clearly wasn't thinking in the long term about others then, but not carrying a weapon around at his own expense to help others?
she hasn't seen much of that in her life. she doesn't know if she'd be able to do that. )
everyone fucks up sometimes.
that's not all that defines us. it can't be, but you're welcome. if you decide it's worth it, i can help you learn how to use whatever weapon you feel comfortable with.
[There's something about that that's more than a little sad - more than a little indescribably upsetting, that a child should feel as though she still has to fight back with everything she is. She's hardy, dependable, tough even, but the fact remains that she shouldn't have to be.]
[Wish doesn't do anyone good. Wishing that she didn't have to deal with that kind of thing doesn't alleviate the fact that she does, and nothing will ever fix that. Nothing will ever make that go away for her.]
[It's all going to stick like that. Maybe forever.]
( It's so normalized for her, for her life, for her world. most other kids are dead. she's lucky, right? people died to keep her alive, keep her out there in that shit place. )
I was eight when the apocalypse happened so before that? Yeah.
I got to be a kid a lot before then. I don't know if I know how to be one anymore.
[But he doesn't say it. She's probably heard it before, and pity never gets anyone anywhere. A pity Tim's never been real good at applying that lesson to himself, huh?]
it sucks you and jay have to be in danger too where you're from.
lets face it. life still sucks. the world fucking sucks.
how about i teach you weapon stuff, and you can tell me stuff kids do if you know? i don't know how your childhood was but if you do know stuff, you can tell me and i'd try.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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why don't you carry anything?
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[She was gonna ask. He knew she would.]
don't really trust myself around something like that.
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people who kill like that. tim doesn't really strike her as the sort. he's not like kenny.
hell, he's not like clementine.)
you think you'll hurt someone when you don't want to?
why?
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[It always is.]
i guess i have a history of
"violent episodes"
[That's putting it lightly.]
[And it's morbidly easier to comment upon that instead of the little black 14 on his self-harm risk assessment.]
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It's just something else to completely lose everything else into believing someone would- someone would have her back no matter what. No matter anything else in play. She can't expect that of anyone so she can't fully,
wholly trust anyone else.
She still somehow doesn't expect what he writes. )
like you've hurt people before?
i mean, i've hurt people before.
you just don't really seem like the type. i guess.
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[When he's not setting people back, he's outright hurting them.]
i don't want to.
[Most of the time.]
i've kind of got some
issues.
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She killed Kenny.
She didn't want to. She had to. There was no other choice.
She just gets the feeling he means it differently than she does. )
I've hurt people before. Killed them.
What kind of issues?
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[He...really does not want to get more specific than that. But maybe he owes it to her to. He owes it to her to be fucking honest for once in his life, after she risked everything for him and Jay.]
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( She was eight when the apocalypse happened. There's a lot she just never was aware of. She's smart, but there's so much she doesn't know because she never learned it. )
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my brain's kind of messed up a little.
[Kind of. Just a tad. A fraction.]
[A hair.]
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That must be rough and hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm kinda fucked up, but I don't know if I really am or not. Just how it feels. So they just have a big textbook of info about your brain? Does it help to have a textbook about it or does it make it harder?
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there's ways to deal with it
sometimes wonderland likes to get in the way.
[So it's better, far better, to play it safe and just not arm himself at all. Not risk anyone getting hurt - any more hurt than they would already, just by being here - by his hand.]
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i'm glad that you have a way to help deal with it. and if you're worried about hurting people and not being able to help it, i can understand why you wouldn't arm yourself, but you're better than most. most people would arm themselves anyway to keep themselves safe. screw the rest of the world.
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[...she says to the man who drove a car into a house and nearly killed everyone in the vicinity. Nearly killed a kid because of his own goddamn stupidity.]
i guess i'll have to decide if it's worth it.
but
thanks
for saying it.
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she hasn't seen much of that in her life. she doesn't know if she'd be able to do that. )
everyone fucks up sometimes.
that's not all that defines us. it can't be, but you're welcome. if you decide it's worth it, i can help you learn how to use whatever weapon you feel comfortable with.
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yeah?
[There's something about that that's more than a little sad - more than a little indescribably upsetting, that a child should feel as though she still has to fight back with everything she is. She's hardy, dependable, tough even, but the fact remains that she shouldn't have to be.]
[She shouldn't have to be.]
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you fight or you die.
and people died to make sure i could live. i don't think i know how to do anything but fight so their sacrifice can mean something.
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[It's all going to stick like that. Maybe forever.]
you ever get a chance to just
be a kid
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I was eight when the apocalypse happened so before that? Yeah.
I got to be a kid a lot before then. I don't know if I know how to be one anymore.
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[I'm sorry.]
[But he doesn't say it. She's probably heard it before, and pity never gets anyone anywhere. A pity Tim's never been real good at applying that lesson to himself, huh?]
still sucks.
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it sucks you and jay have to be in danger too where you're from.
lets face it. life still sucks. the world fucking sucks.
how about i teach you weapon stuff, and you can tell me stuff kids do if you know? i don't know how your childhood was but if you do know stuff, you can tell me and i'd try.
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not really the best guy for that if i'm honest here
[And he so seldom is.]
i couldn't tell you what kids do for fun
i just know how to watch really bad movies
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but i also don't know how to watch really bad movies.
wait, you watch really bad movies on purpose?
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i mean
some of them are pretty funny
[And almost none of them run the risk of being a little too close to his life.]
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count me in.
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