[What? Jay guesses there's some logic to it, in a distant sort of way. The car stunt could've been to distract the horde, give Jay a chance to escape. But Tim...shoudn't have gotten so close himself. This shouldn't have been a trade, Tim's life for Jay's.
And it wasn't, in the end. Because Clementine saved them.
(Tim shoudn't have been trying to help Jay in the first place. He was fine, and if he wasn't fine, he wasn't worth the trouble it put Tim and Clementine through.)]
Glad it worked out this time.
He shouldn't [Jay backspaces furiously. He doesn't send that line.]
( it worked out this time but what about the next time? with someone else? she doesn't know what she was doing out there. there's safety in only taking care of herself, only surviving for herself, but then-
survival isn't living either. there has to be more. she has to be more. )
I don't know.
Seems like you're both willing to do really stupid and dangerous things to keep each other alive. Makes sense you'd both want to contact me to thank me for saving the other person
[Makes sense. Makes sense that he and Tim would risk their lives to save each other, and it makes sense they'd each thank the person that kept the other one alive.
Almost funny, in context. It doesn't make any sense at all.
But Tim's familiar, and he's decent in a fight, and he knows why Jay does what he does better than anybody else here. That's something, even if Jay trusts him about as far as he can throw him.]
I got used to having Tim around, I guess.
And I don't want to see anyone else dead because of me
[Comfort in familiarity. Jay doesn't want to think of the words "comfort" and "Tim" in the same context, but that's really what it is, isn't it? He's familiar, and having him around feels safer (even if it isn't).
Georgia called them "friends", and he couldn't bring himself to deny it. Literally couldn't, because she had prevented them from lying, so that must mean it's the truth.
Jay's still not sure what to do with this information.
But, wait, did she just ask him how often he'd seen dead people? He'd ask what kind of person would ask that, but the answer seems to be, "a ruthlessly efficient zombie killer and the person who saved his life," so he opts for honesty.]
Never seen anyone else killed. Not in person. But most of the people I knew in school are dead. Found video later.
[Seth, Sarah, Brian, Amy The man nobody knew, head caved in with a concrete block Jessica]
( Clementine is a kid, but she's not a good person. She doesn't think she is anymore. She doesn't claim to be. She's killed people herself. Not zombies but people. She's watched them die because of her, because her finger pulled the trigger. She knew what it would do, and she did it. Reasons-
They don't matter much in the aftermath. There are always reasons though, aren't there? )
I'm sorry. That's shitty. Doesn't matter if you see it in person or on video. Still shitty.
[That's a loaded question. Jay (perpetually uprooted, never safe, never comfortable, even before all this) doesn't have much experience with the concept of 'close friends.' Jay's always known people. He's even hung out with some of them. He's been part of 'friend groups', a quiet satellite who keeps his mouth shut, doesn't offend, but isn't interesting enough for anyone to spend time with one-on-one.
'Still shitty' to see them die, though, isn't it?]
Didn't know them too well, but I knew them. We worked on a student film together. It wasn't anything to write home about.
[No movie was worth this, but definitely not Marble Hornets. (The footage was still worth preserving, though, no matter what Alex said.)]
( Death is shitty to see no matter what. The first person she saw die was her babysitter, and she knew her really well. Then it came a lot of people dying she didn't know so well, but it was hard in other ways. There's something about it that sticks long after it's over like it sinks down inside of them somehow.
Can't be washed away. )
Tim said you guys were in danger where you were from but it was more complicated than zombies.
It's not really hard to be more complicated than zombies, but I figured it must have been really intense.
[That's more than Jay could've ever imagined Tim would tell anyone. Tim always said Jay made too much of their lives public knowledge, but if something happened to them, how else would people know? (How else would they be remembered?)]
You're right. It was.
[There's a significant pause between messages.]
Most of it was really boring, to be honest. But a "Rosemary's Baby" kind of boring.
[She's a kid, Jay.]
There were huge gaps of time where nothing happened, but that didn't mean we were any less in danger. I think waiting made it worse. And then sometimes we would forget. what happened. I mean we would forget what happened.
[Alex believed it was memetic, or at least that's what Tim said. Like it could be spread if people knew too much. It can't be true (because how could it, with hundreds of thousands of subscribers?), but the threat still hangs over Jay's head.]
( clementine lifts her eyebrows in confusion, because she has no idea how a baby is boring. they're kind of a lot of work, but she gets it's a reference to something that she doesn't actually know about. she was eight when the apocalypse happened so there's a lot she never learned and a lot she never was remotely exposed to. )
Wait, you completely forgot what happened sometimes?
That's scary. Like something got right into your head to take it. Wonderland's supposed to be able to take our memories away but that sounds... faster.
( and what's strong enough to have that kind of power outside of this world? she's never heard of memory loss happening where she's from but walkers- walkers are easy. they're like wild animals. shoot them. put them down.
[Jay doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about it any more than he has to, but if that thing comes here (and it will) (because why wouldn't it?) she has to know what to watch out for. He owes her at least that much.]
It was definitely fast. Lost seven months all at once.
[Jay snaps his fingers in real life, catching himself before conceding that there's no good way to translate the motion into text. He leaves it undescribed.]
Happened a lot. Usually just a few hours at a time. Three weeks is the longest Tim lost that I know of.
[He already decided he had to warn her. He just needs to figure out how, without making things worse.]
Look, if you ever
[He stews over the partially finished message for nearly half an hour before accidentally hitting send.]
wait sorry If you ever start having really bad coughing fits and think you're missing time, let Tim and me know. I hope you don't but if you do maybe we can actually return the favor.
It'd be hard to live if you can't trust the life when you can't remember or don't know if you remember everything or not.
( he lost seven months at once? what the fuck. at least walkers and people are easy. they're not complicated, not overly powered. she's small. she's a kid, but she's learned how to use that to her advantage. this? this sounds like something impossible to fight against, and what's the purpose of taking memories and time from them like that?
clementine gets this isn't easy to talk about, which makes that warning have more meaning. he wants to tell her so she can be prepared. it's one of the best things someone can do for her.
even if she's inwardly just utterly confused about what can cause coughing fits and someone to miss time, she'll know who to go to- )
[He's snort, say that "hard" was an understatement, but this is coming from somebody who survived a zombie apocalypse. As far as Jay knows, the damage in his world only extends as far as the cast of one lousy student film.]
[It's just their lives that got screwed up, not everyone's.]
[And then she thanks him. He's...Jay's not used to that. He knows the information he risked his life trying to find is useful, because it has to be, but he can't remember the last time somebody else agreed.]
( Clementine has a skewed version of normal. It's not like other people's versions of normal at all, and she has lost all ability to truly feel safe. There's only constantly being aware at all times. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's funny. He texted me to thank me for the same thing except helping you survive.
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And it wasn't, in the end. Because Clementine saved them.
(Tim shoudn't have been trying to help Jay in the first place. He was fine, and if he wasn't fine, he wasn't worth the trouble it put Tim and Clementine through.)]
Glad it worked out this time.
He shouldn't[Jay backspaces furiously. He doesn't send that line.]Strange coincidence.
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survival isn't living either. there has to be more. she has to be more. )
I don't know.
Seems like you're both willing to do really stupid and dangerous things to keep each other alive. Makes sense you'd both want to contact me to thank me for saving the other person
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Almost funny, in context. It doesn't make any sense at all.
But Tim's familiar, and he's decent in a fight, and he knows why Jay does what he does better than anybody else here. That's something, even if Jay trusts him about as far as he can throw him.]
I got used to having Tim around, I guess.
And I don't want to see anyone else dead
because of me[Jay erases that last bit.]
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( she gets that. she's lived that. it's how bonds get formed with people who she probably shouldn't have formed bonds with. they were familiar. )
Do you see people dead a lot?
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Georgia called them "friends", and he couldn't bring himself to deny it. Literally couldn't, because she had prevented them from lying, so that must mean it's the truth.
Jay's still not sure what to do with this information.
But, wait, did she just ask him how often he'd seen dead people? He'd ask what kind of person would ask that, but the answer seems to be, "a ruthlessly efficient zombie killer and the person who saved his life," so he opts for honesty.]
Never seen anyone else killed. Not in person.
But most of the people I knew in school are dead.
Found video later.
[
Seth,Sarah,Brian,AmyThe man nobody knew, head caved in with a concrete blockJessica]no subject
They don't matter much in the aftermath. There are always reasons though, aren't there? )
I'm sorry. That's shitty. Doesn't matter if you see it in person or on video. Still shitty.
Were you close to them?
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'Still shitty' to see them die, though, isn't it?]
Didn't know them too well, but I knew them.
We worked on a student film together.
It wasn't anything to write home about.
[No movie was worth this, but definitely not Marble Hornets. (The footage was still worth preserving, though, no matter what Alex said.)]
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Can't be washed away. )
Tim said you guys were in danger where you were from but it was more complicated than zombies.
It's not really hard to be more complicated than zombies, but I figured it must have been really intense.
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You're right. It was.
[There's a significant pause between messages.]
Most of it was really boring, to be honest.
But a "Rosemary's Baby" kind of boring.
[She's a kid, Jay.]
There were huge gaps of time where nothing happened, but that didn't mean we were any less in danger. I think waiting made it worse.
And then sometimes we would forget.
what happened.
I mean we would forget what happened.
[Alex believed it was memetic, or at least that's what Tim said. Like it could be spread if people knew too much. It can't be true (because how could it, with hundreds of thousands of subscribers?), but the threat still hangs over Jay's head.]
no subject
Wait, you completely forgot what happened sometimes?
That's scary. Like something got right into your head to take it. Wonderland's supposed to be able to take our memories away but that sounds... faster.
( and what's strong enough to have that kind of power outside of this world? she's never heard of memory loss happening where she's from but walkers- walkers are easy. they're like wild animals. shoot them. put them down.
and people are just... people. )
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[Jay doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about it any more than he has to, but if that thing comes here (and it will) (because why wouldn't it?) she has to know what to watch out for. He owes her at least that much.]
It was definitely fast.
Lost seven months all at once.
[Jay snaps his fingers in real life, catching himself before conceding that there's no good way to translate the motion into text. He leaves it undescribed.]
Happened a lot. Usually just a few hours at a time.
Three weeks is the longest Tim lost that I know of.
[He already decided he had to warn her. He just needs to figure out how, without making things worse.]
Look, if you ever
[He stews over the partially finished message for nearly half an hour before accidentally hitting send.]
wait
sorry
If you ever start having really bad coughing fits and think you're missing time, let Tim and me know.
I hope you don't but if you do maybe we can actually return the favor.
Seriously, thanks for getting us out of there.
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It'd be hard to live if you can't trust the life when you can't remember or don't know if you remember everything or not.
( he lost seven months at once? what the fuck. at least walkers and people are easy. they're not complicated, not overly powered. she's small. she's a kid, but she's learned how to use that to her advantage. this? this sounds like something impossible to fight against, and what's the purpose of taking memories and time from them like that?
clementine gets this isn't easy to talk about, which makes that warning have more meaning. he wants to tell her so she can be prepared. it's one of the best things someone can do for her.
even if she's inwardly just utterly confused about what can cause coughing fits and someone to miss time, she'll know who to go to- )
You're welcome.
Thank you for the warning.
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[It's just their lives that got screwed up, not everyone's.]
[And then she thanks him. He's...Jay's not used to that. He knows the information he risked his life trying to find is useful, because it has to be, but he can't remember the last time somebody else agreed.]
You're
also welcome.
Hope you don't need it.
Are you somewhere safe for now?
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and she has lost all ability to truly feel safe. There's only constantly being aware at all times. )
I'm somewhere safe.
I'm okay.
Take care of yourself.
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[Just a couple more days and it'll be over. Just a couple more days.]