[ She should have reached out earlier. Michonne knows it. But this was something Clementine shouldn't have had to ever see. Someone she cares about, as a walker. Michonne's under no allusions that this was the first time or that it'll be the last. She just never wanted it to be her. Fuck.
Finally, she sends a text. Not wanting to be invasive. Just needed to check on her. ]
( Clementine has been worried. Once the blizzard ended, she waited over Michonne's body to be certain she would come back, and then she did. She did but it was all terrible. Andrea is still gone. Michonne hated putting her in that position even if Clementine- Clementine wouldn't have done anything else as terrible as it was to see her like that, to know she'd died out there in the cold. in the fucking cold.
She hates the fucking cold, and she hates more to think of the slow freezing death Michonne must have suffered. Luke died in the ice lake, and Clementine nearly did too. She knows what it feels like to freeze, and it's a terrible way to go. It's not quick. It's painful, and Michonne deserved more. better. The text almost surprises her if only because Michonne asks about her. She gave her space to give her room. )
I'm okay.
You're the one who lost Andrea. You're the one who died, and it wasn't the first time, right?
[ The thing is, with Clementine in Wonderland, Michonne wanted to be something stable. Someone in her life something terrible didn't happen to and that she never had to see. Now, though, this can never be undone. What she saw, and what she had to do, won't ever go away unless Clem leaves, and she's gone for too long. That's part of the isolation and drinking; Andrea going is a big part, her death too, but Clementine seeing her as a walker and putting her down. That's just as big. ]
No. Wasn't the first time.
But it shouldn't have happened. And you shouldn't have had to put me down.
( Clementine shakes her head, because she needs Michonne to not carry that too. Seeing people she loves as a walker, putting them down, it's- it's normal. It's life. She doesn't feel terrible about it but the opposite like- like she's freeing them from their shambling jail. Wonderland is no escape from it. She realized it when she put Georgia and Tim down as zombies. Being in Wonderland, it doesn't fully escape them from their worlds. The walker shit runs through her veins. If- when she dies here, she'd want someone to put her down too.
Someone who gives a damn. )
I care about you. I felt responsible like if anyone it should have been me. Someone who understood how important you are. How you're not just a walker.
Where are you? ( she doesn't want to do this over text. )
( Clementine doesn't reply to the text. She sets the network device down and then moves from her location to Michonne's room. She doesn't bother knocking.
She just opens the door and then closes it behind her. Her throat locks up. )
Hey.
I couldn't have that talk- that talk over text. ( she couldn't. )
( Clementine moves, erases the distance between them, sinks down beside her, and then wraps her arms tightly around her. )
You don't always have to be strong. It's okay to be scared.
( She gets why she would be. She shakes her head against her arm. )
I wasn't alone, and I wanted to. I get that doesn't make sense to most people, but when you grow up in that world, in our world, you want to put down the walkers, making a mess of those you love, and I- ( she knows it makes her something else. to feel that way. to not be broken by it. ) If you hadn't come back, it would have- it would have been a lot harder but you did.
[ Michonne hugs Clementine tightly, like her life depends on it right now. Her cheek rests on the top of Clem's head, just listening. But she nods. It does make sense. She gets it; it's why she'd wanted to be there for Andrea, it's why she made sure to find Herschel. It's why she went to find Deanna. ]
I'm here.
[ She can agree to that, and then, quietly, she says something she needs to. ]
I love you, Clementine. You're important to me. You mean something to me.
( Clementine winds her arms further around Michonne. She agrees to it, but Clementine senses she also struggles with it now. She struggles with finding her purpose, her reason after all the pain. )
I love you too.
( Her eyes burn but she does. Her throat locks up, and she buries herself closer to her. )
I don't want you to carry- to carry me shooting you. I'm okay. It's fucked up, Michonne, but I wanted to because you're- you're my family. ( and she didn't want anyone else to do it, to see her and think zombie and kill her and not know. )
[ There's nothing about what's being said that isn't true. It just breaks her heart. It breaks her, to know so much is fucked up that it's normal. She pulls back, just enough to kiss Clementine's forehead before hugging her again. ]
We're family. And I'm glad...[ No, wrong word, she's not glad. ] ...I'm relieved it was you. Someone who knew what to do.
[ Not in the literal 'you have to kill a walker a certain way' sense. She means the care, the love, the staying. All of that. ]
( Clementine closes her eyes against the kiss. Her fingers dig into Michonne's waist. He wants her to understand- to feel the comfort of it too. )
I'm relieved too.
The thought of anyone else finding you makes me sick. ( she admits, lifting her gaze up to michonne. her eyes burn. tears nearly slip down her face though she keeps them back, but it's true. )
You don't have to worry about me, but I am worried about you.
( Clementine swallows thickly, lifting her head to meet Michonne's gaze. So many people, they couldn't. It's why Clementine was the adult- She was the peacekeeper in a group of adults losing it, crumbling, unable to find their grip again.
It's different in Wonderland. People have more freedom. There's less constant danger. It's still good to hear Michonne wants to pull herself together again if only because Michonne deserves to. She deserves to get to live here, and Clementine will just hope like hell no one else leaves she cares about.
She moves forward, winding her arms around her and then nodding against her. )
I'll probably always worry.
( She swallows thickly past a lump building in her throat. A coldness settles into her bones but a warmth does too. )
[ Sometimes you say things to simply try to help with platitudes, but that doesn't mean they aren't true. Michonne would do anything to take away the burdens on Clementine's mine. But they'll always both mutually care so damn much.
Her arms wrap tighter around Clem, just holding her, stroking her hair. It's all she can do, and she'll do it as long as she'll allow it. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
post death and like...current time b/c michonne put it off.
Finally, she sends a text. Not wanting to be invasive. Just needed to check on her. ]
Are you okay?
sobs into my hands
She hates the fucking cold, and she hates more to think of the slow freezing death Michonne must have suffered. Luke died in the ice lake, and Clementine nearly did too. She knows what it feels like to freeze, and it's a terrible way to go. It's not quick. It's painful, and Michonne deserved more. better. The text almost surprises her if only because Michonne asks about her. She gave her space to give her room. )
I'm okay.
You're the one who lost Andrea. You're the one who died, and it wasn't the first time, right?
let's just destroy each other
No. Wasn't the first time.
But it shouldn't have happened. And you shouldn't have had to put me down.
deal D:
Someone who gives a damn. )
I care about you. I felt responsible like if anyone it should have been me. Someone who understood how important you are. How you're not just a walker.
Where are you? ( she doesn't want to do this over text. )
no subject
My place. I'm in my room.
[ She knows that means Clementine is coming over, and that's fine. It's fine. She probably deserved better than a text to begin with. ]
no subject
She just opens the door and then closes it behind her. Her throat locks up. )
Hey.
I couldn't have that talk- that talk over text. ( she couldn't. )
no subject
I know. I should have...I shouldn't have done it that way.
[ It was a chicken shit move, she knows it. Clementine probably knows it. ]
Were you alone? When you found me.
no subject
You don't always have to be strong. It's okay to be scared.
( She gets why she would be. She shakes her head against her arm. )
I wasn't alone, and I wanted to. I get that doesn't make sense to most people, but when you grow up in that world, in our world, you want to put down the walkers, making a mess of those you love, and I- ( she knows it makes her something else. to feel that way. to not be broken by it. ) If you hadn't come back, it would have- it would have been a lot harder but you did.
You're here.
no subject
I'm here.
[ She can agree to that, and then, quietly, she says something she needs to. ]
I love you, Clementine. You're important to me. You mean something to me.
no subject
I love you too.
( Her eyes burn but she does. Her throat locks up, and she buries herself closer to her. )
I don't want you to carry- to carry me shooting you. I'm okay. It's fucked up, Michonne, but I wanted to because you're- you're my family. ( and she didn't want anyone else to do it, to see her and think zombie and kill her and not know. )
no subject
We're family. And I'm glad...[ No, wrong word, she's not glad. ] ...I'm relieved it was you. Someone who knew what to do.
[ Not in the literal 'you have to kill a walker a certain way' sense. She means the care, the love, the staying. All of that. ]
no subject
I'm relieved too.
The thought of anyone else finding you makes me sick. ( she admits, lifting her gaze up to michonne. her eyes burn. tears nearly slip down her face though she keeps them back, but it's true. )
You don't have to worry about me, but I am worried about you.
no subject
[ She pulls back, just so she can see Clementine's face better. ]
I got a reason to want to pull myself together. You. So you don't have to worry. Not after today.
[ She's officially done, and she's going to get herself back into shape. Clementine does a lot for her want to be okay again. ]
no subject
It's different in Wonderland. People have more freedom. There's less constant danger. It's still good to hear Michonne wants to pull herself together again if only because Michonne deserves to. She deserves to get to live here, and Clementine will just hope like hell no one else leaves she cares about.
She moves forward, winding her arms around her and then nodding against her. )
I'll probably always worry.
( She swallows thickly past a lump building in her throat. A coldness settles into her bones but a warmth does too. )
But I know you will. It's what we do.
no subject
Her arms wrap tighter around Clem, just holding her, stroking her hair. It's all she can do, and she'll do it as long as she'll allow it. ]